some bunny likes you
So today’s Valentine’s Day…and yeah yeah yeah. I know I totally should be that person who rejects the consumerism of the holiday, the person who says “Shit I don’t care! Wooooo I don’t need flowers and a sentimental card to know that someone someone loves me! I love myself!” But uh, let’s be real for a second here. I absolutely love flowers (too bad I haven’t received any in two years). I absolutely love the shit out of sentimentality—duh, haven’t you met me? So wait, does that mean I’m actually in love with Valentine’s Day? Awwww shiiiiiiiiit.
I used to think I hated February. If you had come up to me last year on Valentine’s Day, I would have been like “Whatever. Today’s stupid anyway.” However, I realized something this year. I don’t hate February, in fact; I simply hate being disappointed. There’s something unpleasant about letting your hopes reach their zenith, only to have them start burping (or farting) and quickly falling to the ground (Charlie Bucket/Grandpa Joe style). Here’s the thing though…you can’t be disappointed if your expectations are low anyway. I expect nothing out of Valentine’s Day, therefore I can’t possibly be disappointed, right?…Right?
Take your fourth-grade class, for example. It’s February 13th. You picked out some AWESOME valentines from Wal-Mart, and you have your class list. Everyone gets a Valentine’s Day card. You go to great lengths to ensure that you don’t actually write a boy’s name on any card that says “Whale You Be Mine?” with a giant humpback whale on it (I didn’t want him to hump my back). You double check, ensuring that every one in you class has a Valentine. Don’t want a first grade repeat, where you accidentally write one girl two envelopes, neglecting someone else. And for realsies, that bitch totally probably cried herself to sleep knowing that she didn’t get a card from you…cause your mom says you’re awesome and moms are never wrong. Anyway, NEXT MORNING, boom. Valentine’s Day. Slide those cards into your Valentine holders that you wasted an hour of class time making…an hour in which you could have been learning fractions. You’re walking out of your classroom to go to the bathroom when suddenly you’re stopped by a boy in your class and his mother.
“Oh…Hi…Travis,” you say politely. He is blushing, with eyes looking at his feet instead of at your empty sweater (hey it was fourth grade all right, some of us develop later!) His mom takes over,
“So…Travis wanted to give you something, but he’s too nervous.” OHGOD. That’s right. Even as a fourth grader, you know this is going to go badly. You smile, and thank her, and her son who is still cowering in the shadow of his mother. She coaxes him into handing you the Precious Moments box of chocolates, the white teddy bear looking animal, and then, the icing on the cake of Valentine’s day…the GOLD HEART NECKLACE. Awwww shiiiiiiit.
“Well…thank you…”
Your (fake) friend Sarah hates you for the rest of the day because she likes Travis and she thinks you’re stealing her man. Your mom tells you to wear the necklace the next day just to make Sarah jealous. Is this where I went wrong? Not liking boys who liked me?
Here’s to you, Travis Lester. You’re the only boy to have given me anything for Valentine’s Day. And I didn’t even expect it. That’s the trick. Stop expecting things. Wait, does that mean I’m going to start expecting things when I don’t expect things?
WELL SHIT.
1 year ago • Notes