just some things i want
I want a lot of things, but we’re taught as infants, as children, as teenagers, as adults, as humans to deny ourselves these “wants.” I’m not saying that it’s a bad idea to tell five year old Suzy, petite in height, but massive in width, that she may not have Happy Meals every day for lunch and dinner. Or to tell your fifteen year old daughter that she cannot spend every night at the house of her twenty year old boyfriend—who isn’t really her boyfriend, but instead simply the man that she sleeps with, hoping their completely sexual affair turns to affection. Or to tell the twenty six year old man that he cannot sit next to you at Starbucks, stroking his penis which is hidden by an open newspaper.
But I have a lot of things that I want. And these are some of them.
-I want blueberry Pop-Tarts
-I want to sit on the couch in my mom’s office, the warmth of her fake fireplace stinging my skin, watching episode after episode of The West Wing
-I want to say “Fuck you” to the University of Arizona (and almost all of the people who attend it)
-I want to live with Leah in Tempe
-I want someone to give me flowers. For no reason. For any reason. Just flowers at which I smile when I receive them unexpectedly. Just flowers at which I smile when I walk past them each day.
-I want to drive somewhere and never turn around.
-I want to walk up the stairs in my own house with you.
-I want to pause before I open my door and kiss you, while I stand on my tiptoes.
-I want you to marvel at the books that fill my shelves, marvel at the papers that are scattered across my floor, my desk, my dressers, my chairs, my bed.
-I want to sleep with you in my own bed, cuddle with you under my comforter that smells of Gain and me, and kiss your head that rests upon pillows that smell like my hair and now, yours.
-I want to sit in your car, as you impatiently sigh at the Tucson drivers, while we go some place, where I will probably run into old peers. I do not want that part.
-I want to lie under the stars, on a soccer field, its grass dry, dead, and yellowing.
-I want a night, be it here, there, or somewhere unfamiliar. I want no cell phones, no bzzz bzzz interruptions, no Swan dive! interruptions, no other people throughout the night interruptions. just me and you and me and you and you and you and you and maybe a little of me.
-I want to go to a coffee shop, drinking White Pomegranate tea with you, talking about stories of your past. I want to laugh. I want to roll my eyes as you say ridiculous things. But I will still smile at you. Maybe a full smile. Maybe a sideways smirk. Maybe an open-mouth, teeth grinning, but still in awe. Always a smile though.
-I want you. Above all. Just…you.
1 year ago • Notes